I don't belong here!

Don't you feel lost often times?
Like you don't belong where you are right now?
Don't you just want to go out and scream your heart out?
Don't you sometimes feel like running away from the city and live in the mountains?
Don't you want to leave your work and travel the whole wide world?
Don't you ever feel lonely, in a room full of people?
Don't you want to cry sometimes, all night long?
Or to punch someone really hard?
Don't you feel that you're not living your life to the fullest? You should've done something different, been somewhere else?
Don't you want to sing at the top of your voice like nobody's listening? Like you've never felt that pain before?
Don't you ever feel that why?
I do.

Dilemma?

"Stuck between two choices,
Don't know what to do."

Often in life we have to make choices. Some are easy, while others ain't. Some are taken by others and some ourselves. Some with heart and some not, some with mind, and heart forgot.

Well I'm known for taking the worst decisions for myself. Every time I choose something, turns out to be the wrong thing. And due to this series of making these bad decisions, now I'm living under a fear of making the wrong one again! Fear of repeating the same mistakes again; I don't know what to do. What is right and what wrong? Mind saying something, and heart not. Just going with 'everything happens for a reason' all these years, Or maybe the grass on the other side is always greener?
Whatever it is, may the odds be ever in our favor!

To the best.

I don't really like people leaving. I don't know why, but this feeling of people drifting apart breaks my heart; whether its mentally or physically.
When I'm really attached to someone, its really hard to let go: let go of that person and all those emotions? Seems really simple for a few. It is the toughest for me.
I even know a few, experienced a few, been with them and forgotten in a second. But I tend to depend on people a lot. The ones closer to me would know that.
I've been thinking of writing from a past few days but couldn't. I don't really know why.
May be I'm just sad. College is over. Friends drifted apart. Everyone is busy with there own lives. And I knew this was supposed to happen one day right?

My favorite person is leaving. The one who encouraged me, taught me everything about world and life like his little sister, treated me like a princess, guided me through my difficult times, is leaving and is going far away.
From the toughest decisions, to the stupidest ones, from laughter to tears, from pulling each others' legs to supporting each other like a pillar, you have been there and I know you'll be there always :') And so will I. I'll really miss you Bhai. We are not related by blood but you didn't treat me any less. You'll reach great heights I know :* All the best :*

PS. I know you don't like facebook that much, so here it is :')

Farewell amigos!

It was like yesterday, when I first entered this college, the college which I call now, mine.
It was like yesterday when I used to curse my college for sucking so bad (still do though :P)
It was like yesterday when I met these new people which I now called my friends,
It was like yesterday , when I was hosting the farewell function for my seniors thinking how mine will be.
I was TRYING to act pretty okay about this parting and leaving thing (which I suck at) when I suddenly scroll down my facebook, looking at the photographs. (Yes, I have a weak point with photographs.) Photographs of my 4 years of college. Experiencing, learning new things, meeting new people, bunking classes and exploring the whole town, not worrying about the future (until 4th year :P). I was TRYING to be cool about everything. Its not like I love my college or so, its just this feeling that it's going to get over in a few days. Its the feeling of missing this phase. Its scary.

So, here I am, all done with the farewell ceremony of my batch, sitting on my laptop, tired and exhausted, but still writing. Today. What can I say. A mixture of pure bliss and tears, sorrow of parting but with the hope of meeting again. It's a feeling that I'm not able to express in words. You just know it when you feel it, you know.

College was never that easy as I thought it would be. I faught, cried. But at the same time I experienced utter love and care. Not by everyone, but a few. I tried to fit in but I never could. I don't have those many forever type friends, but however less in number they are, they are no less themselves. The thing about college is that you are no longer in your safe shell. You are open to a whole new world, a whole new experience. Lessons were learnt, hearts were broken, all the first times and the adrenaline pumping. The amazing experience of 4 years is going to end. Our carefree selves, no responsibilities, no boundations. Everything is going to end very soon. And we are going to attend a world, even more evil than this one, 'the corporate world'. God bless everyone. :\

Well, nuff said. Bitter or sweet, all memories would be cherished for life. Not everyone would be there, say 5 years down the line, but I wish for a few to stay forever. I wish I could freeze this time and enjoy few more of my college days. Nevertheless, making the most of it now. Love and peace to all. Major missing has already started happening <3
Or may be its just the beginning of something new :')

Losing muse

Caught in between
My brain and desire
While the fading  fire
Continues.
To blow
High low
Of lost hope
And
Dire.

Lost-and-found

Have you tried to find something with which you had no contact for years and ages?
Have you ever experienced the joy of finding someone or something that was lost, by you, knowing or unknowingly?
Have you ever felt that frustration building inside you when, no matter how much efforts you put you just couldn't find that lost something? (or someone, depends on how your perceive it)

This is an era of social networking. People find their lost love and lost friends via various platforms like Facebook. Even I have found many of my long lost school friends, thanks to Facebook.
I had changed my school once. So I spent my former few years in one school and the latter ones in the other. I clearly remember my very first best friend. I remember her name and her birthday which is on 19th of August. She shifted from that school when we were in 4th grade due to her father's transfer to another state. There is that saying you know, your firsts are always your special. I've been trying to search her online but I can't really recognise her now. I don't know how she looks or what does she do, but I remember the bond we had. That sweet bond where I experienced my first journey as a friend. I hope she's doing good wherever she is. I miss her. I don't know why or how or why now all of a sudden, but I really do. I hope we stayed in touch. I hope Facebook came a little sooner so that I wouldn't have lost you. Love you my first best friend. Forever will.

Death

What is it
To know
That you're going to die
Soon
May be today
Or tomorrow
Who knows
Laying, thinking
All the time
To make the best
out of the remaining
But then,
You know
That fear
Those faces
Of your people
Keeps you away
From your own happiness.
But what about those
Who have to watch you
Deteriorating day by day
Skin by skin
Bone by bone
Blood by blood.
Fast and knowing
You're not going to get better
Any time soon.
But they keep on doing their best
You keep on doing your best
Cause
That little ray of hope remains.

Valentine

She stood upfront the mirror
At night brushing her teeth
When she played her whole day
On and on repeat.
Yes it was a perfect day
For her, may be for him?
She flushed at the thought of her
Blushing all over the street.
Different people
Having different perception
Of what is called perfect,
For her, this was it
A day that had passed so well.
Each emotion, each feeling
Still digs deep inside her head.
Lying inside her blanket
She wonders why he still hasn't?
Asked that very question
Which her heart longs for then.
She picks up her phone
With courage and fear,
To ask him, the very same.
When her eyes filled up with joy
May be a tear instead.
It was him,
His message
Of what she waited for long,
And it stated, those nine letters,
Ever thine, ever mine,
Dear,
Will you be,
My VALENTINE? ♥
.
.
.
.

Ps: pure fiction, written on Valentines day, posted a little late. Hope you all had an amazing one this year. :)

Sun, my.

You're my sun
I know the more I come close
Ill burn
But I can't help it you know
I can bear it
All of it
Just for you my dear
You're my sun
You give me light
Give me hope
Help me, my fears to cope
You're my light
You show me the way
Like a guardian
A friend.
And I couldn't ask for more.
I know,
You'll burn me one day or so,
May I'm burning a little inside now
Those rashes, those scars,
I don't mind
Those tiny things
You're my light
Always have been
Guiding me
Towards the dark or the light?

She said

"We both are so different and we keep on fighting with each other,  why are we even together?"  she said sadly. "Cause it's meant to be like this", he said. A deep silence and nobody speaks a word.

And she said,  "I guess it is the answer. We both have issues and problems, everybody has.  But we have accepted each other the way we are. We have loved each other every second of everyday. Isn't it enough?"
"Hmm It is"
"Seems like we can't go a day without fighting with each other", she said. "But you can't fight with me for long haan", he smirked and pulled her close, held her tight, to make her realise he's never letting her go. 

And the day ended with slow kisses and warm hugs. 

Enlighten

Finding the light inside us, is the most difficult task to achieve. The thing that drives us, enlighten us, illuminates us,  is very intimidating.  And the fact that it'll all be gone one day, and to not even know when, is something we are not yet ready to settle for.
I've been searching my light for quite some time now, but I am still not able to figure it out.  Is it a person,  a passion, or a pursuit?
Yes, I want to be your light. I want to illuminate you in such a way that you won't ever forget who I was. I want to embrace you.

I want to light the lives of many people,  which would surely do one day, spreading happiness and smiles. That's the thing I love about lights. Be it candles,  teeny tiny bulbs, lanterns,  diyas. I just feel enlightened by them. The positivity they surround you with, and an atmosphere they create which helps you to go deep within yourself to find those answers which you've been longing to find out.
Like tonight, I'm sitting here,  writing, all lights out with just a candle lit on my desk.,  I think and write.

Only if

Only if

Only if I knew
About you
Few years back
I would have taken
That one last chance
For me
For you
Only if you came along
Just one time
I would've never let you go
But I didn't know that
I would regret so bad
After all these years
I still think about
And only you
Day and night
I wish I knew
What I really wanted then
I wouldn't let you pass by
So soon
I think of you
Night and noon
How would my life had been
With you
If only I knew
About you
I would have pursued
And my dream would have come true.